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 Important: How to deal with fights, the non-dramatic way.

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Dai
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Posts : 375
Join date : 2013-12-10
Age : 480
Location : Shu Han

PostSubject: Important: How to deal with fights, the non-dramatic way.   Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:58 pm

First and foremost, please read all the rules to do with the dream and the website, including the staff rules. These rules are put in place to make sure everyone is having a good time, and to prevent dramatics within the dream. However, we fully know that not everybody is going to get along and we can respect this. But, there's a difference between two people not getting along, and two people having a huge fight that creates dramatics and makes the dream an unpleasant place to be. It's full of gossip, bottled up feelings, words that are bitten back, and it's not the ideal place to relax.

The rules are not there for you to be a "rebel" and look for loopholes within them so that you can break, or otherwise provoke a negative reaction from anyone and use the excuse "It's not against the rules, I'm free to do what I want." This behaviour is childish, and will not be accepted. Respect goes both ways, and attempting to bait someone to snap at you is just going to get you ejected.

While you do have to listen to, and respect the staff, the rules, and the other guests within the dream at all times - it's not okay for you to be disrespected, either. It goes both ways, and should be upheld by everyone within the dream. Unfortunately, we know that won't happen and someone somewhere sometime is going to set a foot out of line - so we wrote this guide to help anyone who needs the rules explained in a little more depth on how to deal with a situation where you feel disrespected.

Step One ;
Quote :

Stop the fight!


Please stop typing, no matter how wrong you feel the other person is or what they're doing. When people are upset, adrenaline kicks in and we get into a "fight or flight" stage - and there are certain personal problems that can be triggered by this "fight or flight" state. This will only make things worse. So please, no matter how wrong someone might be (and it might even be you in the wrong!), please step back. If you need to move into another area of the dream, log offline for an hour, put them on ignore, whatever works - but stop responding to the offender. Otherwise, you might be seen as provoking them to continue and that will get either just yourself, or both people in trouble. If you're asked to stop, then stop - no exceptions.


Step Two ;


Quote :
Assess the situation.

- > Look over logfiles and try to put yourself in the mindspace of someone who DOES NOT know you and has a completely different sense of humour, thinking patterns, etc, etc. Even if you wrote something meaning it one way, is it possible that someone with a thinking pattern different than yours could take it another way? This is a HUGE part of fights, as 95% of them are misunderstandings.

If you DO see something that maybe you're not sure about, or you think that:

"Hey, what if they took it like this? Oh, that's doesn't sound very nice if it's said like that. I didn't mean it that way!"

OR if they wrote something that makes you think, "Well, if it's said in this tone- .. hey, it doen't sound so bad. Wait, did /I/ misunderstand them?"


... Chances are, there's probably something like that in those logfiles. As you can't hear the tone of the other person, you never know how they mean something - and some people don't use emoticons. Some people find them to be smug, and others just plain dislike using them. People also speak differently. For example:

"What are you doing?" <- This can be seen as rude, can't it? Without smiley faces or formatting and no voice to judge the toe of the person, you can't tell the way they're saying it. There's a difference between;

"What are you doing?" Meaning, "Hey! What's up? What're you doing right now? I'm trying to start a conversation with you, you're interesting!"

"What ARE you doing?" Meaning, "Excuse you. What the actual hell are you doing? You didn't actually just fucking do/say that, did you?"

"What are you doing?" In terms of, " .. Ugh, you actually just said that? My god.. Why do I hang around you? . _ . .. I wish you would shut up and leave me alone."

When you're not clear in your speech (and even if you are!) people can sometimes take it differently than what you mean, so please keep this in mind - as it's probably the cause of the fight! Someone might be upset because they feel bad over something you said, or feel they're being judged.

If you see any questionable points, then give yourselves some time to simmer down from the fight and then approach them after a couple of hours, in private. Ask if it's okay to talk it over, because you think something might've been misunderstood - and reassure them that you just want to sort through the fight so it doesn't happen again. Bring up any points on either side where you feel confused, and get their opinion and their side of the story.

Step Three


Quote :
Problem resolved? Maybe.

If you can speak maturely, without calling names, trolling, being rude, or otherwise being derogatory or offensive and get to the bottom of the pot, that's the best way to go. You should be very proud of yourself if you can overcome the misunderstanding and let bygones be bygones!

If you can't resolve the problem, then it's time to whisper a staff member. Collect all logs, including screenshots and unaltered logfiles and upload them to websites like privatepaste, and tinypic and whisper a staff member. Let them know about the situation, and they'll get your side of the story. After that, they'll head over to the other party and get their side of the story. Then they'll come to a conclusion - but please be aware this might be a "temporary" solution, and one which you may not like. Their main concern, especially when the dream is busy, is to get the drama out of the way - especially if the situation is delicate.

If this is the case, or you're not happy with the staff member's call on the situation, head to the report sections.

But wait! What if the person you're fighting with is a staff member? As mentioned on the website, please just do as they ask - even if you disagree. Give everyone some time to cool off, and then try to explain your side. The staff member should listen, however they may strongly feel that you were in the wrong. It's totally possible that the staff member is wrong! Even though you do have to do ask your asked (and you can report them on the website if you feel they were behaving wrongfully), you don't need to put up with being treated rudely. Politely, calmly ask them to stop. Then, head over to the website and look on the staff list for someone of higher rank. If possible, please get in contact with them if they're online. If it's not possible, then collect all logs and screenshots and report them on the website accordingly. Block them if you need to. Don't engage them, even if it's another patron.

Unfortunately, you very well might get ejected if it's a staff member that's acting up. However, please be aware the command to eject people MUST have a reason; and it will be emitted dream-wide. When they eject, it won't work unless they put a reason in; so you certainly will have a copy! You might have to scroll up quite a ways to find it, but make SURE you screenshot it! This is probably the most key evidence to bringing a staff member to justice if they're abusing their share. It will say, "You have been ejected from this dream" in red font (which is the Furcadia standard emit), and somewhere around it there should be a dream emit saying who you were ejected by, when, and why you were ejected. If you were wrongfully ejected, this is a key piece of evidence that will be huge in bringing them to justice.



All of this said, please know that you are just as much at fault if you gossip to others about problems within the dream and will be dealt with accordingly. Do not retort rudely, troll, tell someone off, provoke, bait, manipulate, or otherwise bother someone until they tell you to piss off. If you provoke someone, you are in the wrong if they react badly and will be treated as such. If a situation arises where it's hard to determine exactly what happened, it is very likely all parties involved in the conflict will recieve a warning to be fair.

_________________



Last edited by Dai on Mon May 12, 2014 2:02 am; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : Edited wording because it was awkward. Dai. May 11.)
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